You Can’t Be the Prize and a Doormat—Pick a Side, Bae!

Let’s get straight to it: you’re either the one getting chosen, or the one getting walked over like you owe somebody something and you never received the memo. You can’t play both positions- this ain’t a church play and you’re not double-casted in some Tyler Perry 20-min put together script. And I say all of that with love… but also with a couple of shots of Remy and my phone on Do Not Disturb because I don’t argue with delusion anymore.

Welcome back to “Too be, or not ‘F*ck that, I’m outside,” where we prioritize self-worth, healthy boundaries, and knowing when it’s time to gracefully exit stage left with your peace—and your edges—intact.

We already covered the basics in the first post: we’re not begging, we’re not chasing, and we’re definitely not settling for “potential.” Today, we’re taking it a step further. We’re talking about how to demand the respect you deserve without turning into a stressed-out version of yourself who’s crying in the bathroom at brunch with your girls because someone who can’t even read or write won’t text you back. Hell, you had to fill out his last 4 job applications because homeboy refused to admit he can’t read past a 4th grade level. And you’re stressing, why again, I lost focus?!

Okay, I’m back, I’m ready nah, boss!

Step One: Know Who You Are (And Don’t Flinch)

If you’re the prize—act like it. That means you don’t explain why your boundaries exist. You don’t justify your standards. You don’t shrink because someone else feels small next to your shine. You beam brighter. Make them blind by just being in your presence, do you remember that happy go lucky you, that person who could change anyone’s day and make them feel good about themselves? Not paying attention too things that brought you down, until you met that MAN!

People who respect you won’t make you beg for basic decency. Read that again. Maybe, just one more time. It has to sink in and stay put!

If someone makes you feel like you’re “too much,” hand them less. Or better yet, hand them nothing and let them figure out why your access card is forever deactivated.

Step Two: Be Soft, Not Stupid

Listen, I love a soft life. Candles lit. Bills on autopay. Main character energy only. Hair laid. Tycoon Life! But let’s be clear: softness doesn’t mean you let people walk all over you while you light incense and call it “healing and energy cleansing.”

It’s okay to say no.

It’s okay to not reply.

It’s okay to leave them on read while you go live your best life, moisturized and unfucking bothered.

People love saying “you’ve changed” once you stop letting them disrespect you. And you know what? Good. That’s called growth, baby. Look it up.

Step Three: Protect Your Peace Like It Owes You Money

If a relationship feels like a full-time job with no benefits and unpaid overtime-quit now! Who cares about a two-week notice, you won’t need that position again

Peace isn’t just quiet. Peace is freedom. It’s coming home and not feeling like you have to rehearse what you’re gonna say so you don’t “start a fight.” It’s not crying in the parking lot or refreshing receipts trying to figure out where you “went wrong.” You didn’t. The whole situation isn't right.

Your dream life? It doesn’t include chasing people down for clarity. Or love. Or commitment. Or, needing to know why they treat you the shitty way they do. It includes dinners you actually enjoy, not ones where you sit across from someone emotionally constipated, chewing their food, rolling their eyes in aggravation, like it’s your fault they’re not healed yet and their daddy left when they were a child, blah. blah, blah.

Step Four: Pull Your Own Card

If something in your life isn’t matching your energy, change it. Stop playing yourself small just to keep people comfortable. We don’t do that anymore. That was 2012 behavior.

You’re allowed to want what you want.

You’re allowed to leave when it’s not giving.

You’re allowed to be a high-value person and still say, “This ain’t it.”

Yes, it’s scary. Yes, it gets lonely sometimes. But you know what’s lonelier? Being in a relationship where you don’t feel seen, valued, or safe.

Time to Pick: Choose You (Every Single Time)

Let’s make a pact: no more “proving” our worth. No more long paragraphs to people who never deserved the first sentence. No more dimming our light just to keep a situationship going that’s built on lies and unread messages.

You are the table, the meal, the chef, and the reservation. Hell, you’re even the spoon and forks, act like you know. Stop letting people bring paper plates and stale dinner rolls to the table.

So next time you’re sitting there wondering, “Should I say something or just let it slide?”—ask yourself this:

Are you the prize or the doormat? Pick a side, bae.

Drop a comment, some tea, or advice for us to continue our journeys. Or share this with that friend you keep trying to talk to, maybe she needs to hear it from someone else.

With love and light, go and enjoy this one life we have and stop settling for the bare minimum!








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